A New GoFundMe Campaign — Please Help

https://mytransgenderfriend.wordpress.com/admin-wp

This is my new link to my GoFundMe campaign.  I am in desperate need to get ot loving and caring friends in Illinois.  They are working hard to help me get to them and preparing a place for me to bunk until I can get settled into a place of my own.  This is something that I truly desperately need.

The environment I live in currently, deep in the Bible Belt, is rife with hetero-oppression and leftist Christian values.  I can’t function here without a job, as I have to pay for every scrap of medicine, every piece of doctor documentation and counseling for my severe depression, type 2 diabetes and my transgenderism.  I had to stop going to my clinic when I arrived at my eldest sister’s place because I don’t even have the gas money to pay for my trips to my clinic– the only one semi-locally– that deals with my types of issues.  This is truly unfortunate for me as I’ve been out of all of my medications for nearly a year.

I am barely functioning, barely able to deal with the things that I need to take care of myself and still try to carry on some semblance of transition.  I am crying writing this because I have no other outlets to turn to and no one else to even try to talk to.  This truly is one of my darkest days and my depression is creeping up on me; I can feel it like a little twinge at the back of my neck, as if someone is following me and observing me a little to closely, and far to adjacent to my current position.  I am so scared sometimes that I don’t even want to leave the house.

I was asked to go to the Tupelo Flea Market this past Friday and I felt like I was on display for my sister.  This truly sucked because I was ill before I went, I was slipping into a diabetic fit, and was getting sweaty chills.  It sucked taking off my outer jacket, to feel a little better, only to put it back on when we got outside when I started getting really chilled.  It was blustery that day.

I wanted to try to enjoy myself, but it really didn’t happen.  I was under too much stress and felt so alone there with my sister, her husband and my niece (her grown daughter).  What’s a sick girl to do?  I needed to eat when I got home, but couldn’t because my sister insisted that she would make something, then backed out.  She started feeling awful that day too.  I managed to make something to eat, ate it and went to bed early.  I keep getting ill here; not sure why.

I am also suffering from carbon-monoxide poisoning on a nearly daily basis with the LP space heaters they have in the house.  I get such excruciating migraines from the lack of oxygen that I’m literally wallowing in this dull, creepy feeling.  If I open the windows in “my” bedroom, I get chilled and the air’s a bit better, but I still have to go into the rest of the house and breathe that tainted air.  I hate it.  This is another reason for my depression; a deep-seated fear of asphyxiating in their home, and my sister not wanting to do something about it.  (I’ve asked her about ventilation, and she tells me there’s enough.  If their was, I wouldn’t be having this conversation and not experiencing these massive migraines.)

Anyway, I think I’ve explained much of the problems and craziness that ensues here.  I need to work on another project, but I can’t stop crying.

Please help.

Thanks.

What I Propose to Do

I am in talks with various online distributors of my e-books to see if they have in fact transferred any sales information to BookTango. s BookTango claims I have made no sales and they are not paying me.

I am also looking to use this money to move to California, but without it I can’t move.  Hell of a Catch 22 I’m in, huh?

This morning I left Scribd.com an e-mail that stated I had talked to someone on their site back in August about how their site shows Views and such, and was informed that those views were sales and that there should be a report soon, once they get a few more facts from BookTango.  This was in August, and there’s nothing listed in my reports on BookTango for anything.

I know I’ve sold some e-books.  Amazon thinks I’m some kind of crackpot and refuses to acknowledge me regarding the discounted prices for my e-books, as well as letting me see the sales figures for them…  What the hell?!

Seems nothing I do is good enough for anyone.  NOTHING!  I am so sick and tired of people holding my money, refusing to let me have what’s rightfully earned, and claiming I have nothing.  This is bullshit if the purest sense!

I want to be happy.  I want to be able to take care of myself with what I do, but with this kind of BS and them tying my hands, I can’t make or do whatever I need to to further my transition, get where I am needed and help those whom I love.  Most of my family had abandoned me or slandered me to Mississippi state officials over some shlock and circumstance, simply because I was an easy target.  Now these same family members want my money– sadly there’s no money to get– and I’m stuck in Mississippi where my health is failing and my sanity!  No one in Mississippi wants to help me get right with the world, on the right track and frame of mind, and no one wants to be able to help me pay for doctors’ visits when I’m unemployed and can’t claim unemployment.  What gives?!

My food stamps were cut last month by about $12.  I’m looking at getting them either cut or eliminated by January because of some crap that the government has already implemented to drop our poor families further and further out of the reach of the American Dream.  Here’s the link to the article:  http://news.yahoo.com/stick-poor-congressional-strategy-080500785.html

This has me pissed off moreso than my lack of money!  If BookTango is screwing with all of their client’s monies, then we all need to tell them off, file a lawsuit and get our money!

My NEW Revelation

For all of my friends and cohorts who know me, know of me and can call me family (you know who you are), I have been struck with a revelation just today! I am not transgender, I am transsexual. I am working to get that stigma understood for my friends and family to really understand, but I think time will be the best healer and leveler of the playing field, so to speak.

I feel strange about this revelation. I feel stupid about it, though. One thought in one direction and multiple in another, and it led me to the Logo TV website. Another couple of hours later and I stumbled upon “TRANSform Me”, a television series that takes three transsexual women and make-over a pleading woman who lacks her own style and fashion sense. It’s a wonderful program. I enjoyed it.

I am looking for some assistance. I live in Mississippi and not too many people here are up-to-speed about the LGBTQ lifestyle, much less our community. It totally sucks about what I am doing in my new job. My roommate, who also used to work for my boss, told me to “dress like a guy to get the job, but work through it a few weeks and gradually change it up.” I couldn’t completely do that; I brought my purse the first day, and dug through it to get my hairbrush and my pens and cellphone. Sorry, I will reveal all, but not too soon. (I wear my man-pants like I would as a woman would, and I like it better that way.) I do wear “t-shirts” but are just pull-over blouses that look like close-fitting t-shirts. It does help me to feel better while working in a mostly female environment.

After coming home sick on Friday with laryngitis, and trying to stay out of the family’s way while I recuperated, I surfed the internet for some stuff and played Eve Online, too. I’m still struggling to stay warm in a warm house; frequent chills are getting me down. (I might have something that I don’t want to go to hospital for; I got out of there for pneumonia in early April, and I don’t think I recovered from it.)

I like my job, don’t get me wrong, but it’s harder than most telemarketing jobs I’ve had. There’s no training course to get through. There’s no hand-holding here. It’s all about the quantity of the calls you make and how to get back into the mix when you’ve gotten a bad call or an answering machine or the customer on the other end forgets who you are and why you’re calling and makes you look like a fool (that part’s recorded).

I now have a purpose and a direction. I need to have my surgery, grab my paperwork and assess what needs to be fixed first, then go from there. The easiest one: my Social Security card. The hardest I think will be my drivers’ license and passport. I can’t wait to get this underway! I need a job to carry on making money to do these things; without one, I cannot even start hormone therapy and counseling. I feel this job is a step backwards and it feels like someone is swatting my hands with a wooden ruler every time I try to make forward strides.

The family I live with love me, the kids don’t want me to move. I can understand that, too. I do love it here. I feel better here than I do at my sisters’ homes; B’s home is smoke-filled because she and my brother-in-law both smoke. C’s home isn’t so bad, but she’ll go into any room with a lit cigarette and then apologize when she’s in the one I’m borrowing. Her husband, T, chews tobacco, and that’s not as bad as second- and third-hand smoke.

I discovered that my closest counseling location is in Gulfport, MS. That’s quite a distance from where I currently reside. I don’t want people to think I’m lazy or disrespectful, but that’s nowhere near Tupelo! I want something closer to me. (If I can have a lawyer assist me with getting Medicare for my diabetes and depression, then I’m one step closer… I think.)

So tired of people giving me the run-around and telling me they can’t help me unless I have some sort of income! That’s monetary discrimination! Everywhere I turn, if I don’t have the money, I can’t get the treatment I need. I have bill collectors already hounding me for money, for a 3 1/2 day hospital stay! It totals to almost $9000! Moved to another state and I’m in debt already– within the first 6 months– is the state of my luck!? I sure hope not.

What can someone like me, in dire straits, do to get the help I need? Should I check myself into a mental health facility, tell them about my suicidal tendencies due to my depression and lack of support system? What options do I have short of getting labeled disturbed or insane? I’m caught between a rock and a hard place and can’t seem to get enough purchase to thrust myself away. Please help me.

Whenever I can, I check my Yahoo!Groups for the latest conversations and pictures. I want to have these kinds of good things happen to me, too, but I cannot where I am living! Florida, in the county where I moved from, I was denied all kinds of care related to my transsexual nature: hormone therapy, individual counseling, AND surgery. Denied them ALL! I was on county healthcare, and they took care of my diabetes supplies and meds, my depression and ‘head shrinking’ meds– all of it!– yes for something as simple as getting prepared for my transition and making way for the new me: FORGET IT! They apparently thought that I didn’t count. I didn’t matter. They had their medical stuff covered, whatever it was; I didn’t because, apparently, I’m just barely human enough to be considered human, to partake in that medical system. I have to purchase medical insurance out of my own pocket, and with my job, I don’t even think I can do that right now…

If I had some way to get the treatment I need, the connection to others like me in a location I can call home, I would be so happy right now! I am so depressed right now, and sick, that I’m thinking about “it” while I’m playing with my tiny multi-tool. I just need someone to hold me close, and tell me “everything’s going to be okay” and really mean it. I’m struggling to keep a fresh face and happy mood. This facade-crap I have to play at work is really getting me down! I think that’s my I’m ill now, too.

Why should I compromise my values and ethics for a boss who has no clue about who I am? I want to tell him. Nowhere on the application did it list GENDER. Nowhere! I am not a man, I am a woman who has needs and wants and goals and feelings.

Please leave your comments. I want your advice and assistance in this. If anyone is interested in hiring me for logo design, font work and other such graphics, please comment below. I want to move in the worst way, have a valid drivers’ license, and want to get out of Mississippi in the worst way!

Midnight Revelation

Not sure where to put this or how to express how I truly feel, but that’s why we blog, isn’t it?

Over this week I’ve been trying to help the 16-year old daughter of my friends, with whom I’m am a guest in their home (along with their 18-year old, and another 6 (2 additional girls and 4 boys) ranging from 11(?) to 2 years) and have been for almost a month.  They wanted a 2-week trial, and I stepped it up and ran with it; they accepted me:  all of them.  Most of the youngest call me “uncle”, but the oldest 3 call me “aunt”; we’re not related, but I don’t really mind.  I miss that kind of family life.

I’m going to be filling out an employment application at a local insurance telemarketing agency that P had worked for previously.  I am so nervous.  I have been living as a woman since October (2012), and the gentleman who owns the place is a nice man and a pastor of a local church. P informed me of a few things:  dress less like a woman and more like a man when filling out the app and for the interview (just land the job, you can carry on from there); earn some money and start getting the things you’re going to need; upon employment, we had agreed I’d pay some into the household for my living expenses.  I feel I’m making strides, but backwards in this situation.  I’m a woman, not a man.  That was something I hoped I’d never go back to!  The Manly Life!  I’m a woman and that’s all there is to it!

I have struggled to make things happen and convince people in the community that I am a woman.  I carry a purse.  I wear my hair a certain way.  I wear makeup, but not excessively.  I dress in women’s clothing!  I know, deep inside, that a woman is who I am– not the manly facade that I had to create to keep my father happy about his son– and I don’t want to do back on that!  Ever!  I had a tough time with it around my former landlord when I came out to him and my former fiancee.  He told me that I was not to cross-dress on his property; he was afraid of his grandchildren asking too many questions about me.  I told him he wouldn’t have to worry.  Almost a week later, I moved out.  I felt insecure.  I felt exposed; almost to the point of complete nakedness!

I knew I had a place to go.  P&M’s!  That’s months ago!

Being here, living with P&M (this is a different P&M than the first one) and their 8 children (the other P&M only had 1 child) is different and kind of fun.  Many of them have mental issues, problems with interacting with others, ADD, habitual lying, and other such disorders… (Wow!  I fit right in! LOL)  P has told me that she can say stuff without thinking, and I told her that was fine.  A small incident happened, and I let it go; P apologized to me about it.  If I don’t hear it, that’s fine.  If I do, I can and have been known to take offense.  I tend to let it roll off my back; she means no harm or malice toward me.

My bras have been feeling like fiberglass lately.  Not sure if it’s something related to the high humidity, my perspiration, my deodorant, the laundry detergent or a combination of those that’s making any kind of bra uncomfortable to wear.  It seems that I may have misplaced my power adapter for my electric razor and my sunglasses case; they are somewhere in this house!  I had them moving into the split bedroom, but I cannot find them to save my life.  I just don’t get it; they don’t just get up and walk away!  One of the older kids may have taken them to school not realizing what they were, realizing what they were and wanted to sell or get rid of them, or hid them on me to find months from now.  I really needed my sunglasses today!  My eyes were bugging out of my head, and I was not impaired by a sinus infection.  They hurt like that sometimes.

Found the cord to my razor!  I remember putting something there (one of my cloth grocery shopping bags) and had forgotten it was there.  Oops!  Sorry, kids!  That could mean that my sunglasses could be in here, too!  Hooray!

I don’t necessarily want to revisit my male alter-ego again.  I don’t!  I did things that I regret; I did things that I didn’t, but it all comes down to who I know I am!  I guess I’m living in the past, dwelling on things that I regret, and not finding a way to resolve them.  Maybe my father was reading into something that I didn’t know, or acknowledge, after my mother died; I may never know.  If this is how things are supposed to be, then why does this interview/employment app scare me?  I don’t want to step back into the cowl of darkness and re-explore my demons, my darkness, my testosterone-fueled short fuse-snapping anger fits!  That in itself scares me!

I live in the Bible Belt of the US!  Mississippi!  In a tiny little town, where I can walk about 400 feet to the public library out the front door.  I can walk to the closest grocery store about 8 blocks away.  In that same distance I can cut through the hospital-dedicated exercise path and reach the duck pond.  Much of the things that are in this town are within walking distance.  Walk across the street, same side as the house and library, and where the library sits, there’s a big white Baptist church!  No joke!  There’s a mental health counselor on the main street only about 5 blocks from here.  (I wonder whether they can help someone like me from the LGBTQ community.  If not, I can grab the information online for them to take a look and go from there.  Otherwise, I’d have to go to Gulfport!  That’s about a 8 hour drive, one way, and I don’t have a car!)

I am uneasy.  I am nervous.  I am wondering about this possible job and that I need employment; just stick to it, and I will prosper.  I know all that!  I want to do it my way!  That’s what I want.  Just really scared…  I do have some anxiety with this ‘reversion’ and I’m not liking it.

Wish me luck.  I’m turning in for the night…  Please pray for me and we’ll see where this goes.

Thanks.

What the Hell is Wrong with Family?!

I was in the hospital for 4 days suffering from pneumonia and an extreme pain in my lower abdomen, testicles and scrotum.  Apparently that was attributed to an overdose of antihistamines and a flash of diabetic neuropathy.  I may now be allergic to antihistamines and I’m not liking that assessment…  I did manage to feel better and get through the toughest part of the pneumonia, antibiotics working to help me kick the infection.  I was given a prescription and sent on my way…  I didn’t want to leave; there were a couple nurses and orderlies (they’re not called that anymore O.o) that I wanted to ask out, but I only got to ask one and she turned me down. (sad face)

Needless to say I had a treat when my niece and sister I hadn’t seen in nearly 24 years shows up at the hospital and wants to see me get better (T).  My other two sisters were there (C and B), and we hadn’t been together since our mother was alive.  This was a treat…

A family friend of B’s had a heart attack and was admitted to the same hospital and she went to see him.  C and my niece (J) went for a cigarette and to check on the puppies in the car J and T had driven in from Georgia.  Mike was with T and she pulled him aside, out in the hallway after meeting me for about 10 minutes, and asked him, without my permission, if I could stay with him to help him with his twins and look after him.  How rude!  I didn’t know this man and she’s forcing him on me like some kind of deranged pimp or something.  I told Mike that I appreciated the offer and that I would have to think about it.  He agreed.

When C came up, she brought me some clean clothes.  She told me that I had undies in those clothes; I didn’t look well enough to find them and thought she didn’t.  I told her I didn’t find them.  (This was just before she and J left for a smoke.)  T and Mike left to smoke and J came back up; C had to make a couple of phone calls and stayed downstairs.  When J, T and Mike came back, I was served my lunch.  It looked just awful, and it nearly smelled the same way.  T offered to go get some lunch for the 4 of us and I wrote my order down for Subway.   I also wrote down J’s order and Mike and T left for lunch retrieval.

I told J that I did not have clean undies and she called her mom, T, and tells her about it.  She goes to Walmart and searches for some, HJMS and while T’s searching she’s still talking to J on the phone (size, colors, and other such things).  Sometimes T can’t find certain things when they’re right before her eyes; typical T.  She asks about FoTL, asks the size again and picks up a three pack.  Little did I know B was coming back to the room.  She was peckish and wanted some lunch too.  J called T to stop by McDonald’s to pick up a Big Mac and a Dr Pepper.  She agrees.

J and I talked about her mom with B offering her bits about T’s overbearing nature.  I told T several times in phone conversations that “… [she] needs a good woman in her life.”  She kept thinking I was talking about her turning lesbian and following that path.  I was talking about her finding a good woman for a friend and someone to confide in, other than her daughter J who she considers more of a friend than her own daughter.  I also tried to explain to J that T’s been trying to usurp her control over J’s household at home, and J informs me that when T tries, J leaves the house to cool off, and to let T realize what she’s did to run J off.  (We’ve had several conversations about T and it always ends up with J leaving the house and T staying there.)

T’s plan is for Mike and his twins to move to Georgia, to be with her, in J’s house.  J has a lot of room, but is not ready to have children in her home, much less a stranger’s.  We have had conversations about other things, and this one stuck in J’s craw.  Her hubby, Anton, is in Iraq, trying to help rebuild some infrastructure that was lost over the war.  Anton known of T’s tirades and bullying.  Too bad Anton can’t reach out to J and find out about the conditions of the household.

As I was getting ready to check out of the Health Hotel, I asked one of the orderlies (Natalie) if she was seeing anyone.  She told me she was.  I gave her my number.  She accepted it.  I was so happy.  C helped me out with B’s netbook and my other belongings.  (I borrowed it on my trip to C’s to stay for a while while we tried to get me into the TVRHA in Tupelo.)  I had a feeling they were going to keep me for a few days; too bad I didn’t have the forethought to grab clothing too.

C and I got to Walmart and I turned in my prescription.  We had a little shopping to do and we covered most of the store.  I was in a powered cart because it still hurt to walk (lower abdomen, etc.), and she had a regular shopping cart.  We parted for a little bit while I went back to the pharmacy to see if my prescription was filled.  C went into the next aisle to field a call from T.  C told me that I had talked to P&M about staying at their place; we were just talking, nothing set in stone yet.  C also told her about her calling a few days previous; T told her that she had just checked her phone and it was in her purse.

Misconstrued information and about two hours later, I’m talking to P on Skype and we’re having a great conversation.  A good back and forth about the possibilities of my staying with her and M and her 8 kids.  I thought that would be wonderful.  So did she.  T calls and asks to speak to me, she thought that C told her I was moving into P&M’s home and that C had dropped me off there.  T was on speakerphone and I was on Skype with P.  P told T twice about my being on Skype and not at her home; T didn’t want to hear it!  She started yelling at P about lying that I was there.  P hung up on her.

P and I started back again.  I left my mic near my cell, on speakerphone, so P could hear my conversation with T.  She told me about some crap that C had lied to her about my being over at P&M’s; T also said she talked to Mike.  Mike had called P and it had nothing to do with T and her crap with me and C, in the interim.  I told T that it was ultimately my decision and that P and I were still talking about it.

T started yelling at me again.  In the hospital, when she yelled, I lost my respect for her.  What the Hell?!  This time I wasn’t taking it.  I called J back on the home phone to just talk to her, and the conversation started pretty normal.  I kept the mic situation the same way as before.  I never knew T was so paranoid that she had picked up the extension and listened in on our conversation.  I told J that her mother was a bully.  That’s when all Hell broke loose!  T started yelling and told me I was an idiot for thinking that.  That’s when I hung up.  P thought I fainted away and asked if I was okay.  I said I wasy.

Talking to P, I told her that T needs to seek professional help.  Our conversation went back to something else, I don’t really remember what it was about.  Tina calls back and apologizes about her tirade, crying crocodile tears, and trying to get me to accept her apology and to forgive her negativity.  All I replied was “Uh huh.” for all of her questions.  I was typing to P and she was listening.  As soon as the conversation began to turn, T immediately stopped her faux sadness and began to get fixated on some stuff about C and about B, and I told her they had nothing to do with my decision and where I’m going to stay.  Then T starts to accuse me of withholding information from her.  Yes, I didn’t want her to know I was staying in Tupelo with B.  Yes, I didn’t tell her I moved from Florida to Mississippi.  She never told me that she moved from Mississippi to Georgia for almost 4 months.  I found out looking at her Skype profile!  I asked her about looking at my Skype profile.  Her response:  “I never looked at it.  I don’t have to.”  Then more about how she’s been trying to get this done, get that done, and wanting Mike and I to travel to Georgia and visit over the summer.

I told her that I wouldn’t right now because I’m not comfortable with the way she forced me on him at the hospital the day before.  She started yelling at me again.  I hung up.

P and I parted ways on Skype and I went to bed.  P was amazed that T would not let stuff go…  She did live with T for a few months, too.  She and M knew!

Here’s something that I wrote today to J on Facebook about how I have perceived T, her mom, and that I’m no longer considering anything she says nor am I allowing her to interfere with my life and my future.

—Facebook Tirade Starts—

Yesterday
J:  Hey I’m sorry about earlier I didn’t know my mother was on the phone

Today
7:05pm
Me:  that’s fine. i explained how i felt, imho, to you in the texts i sent this morning.

i love you. i always will. you’re mom needs to stay out of my life for what she’s trying to do. she needs to stop trying to be “the good Christian” and learn to be a loving caring meaningful person who is not always on the defensive

7:11pm
Me:  T needs to understand that her ways are driving the people she ‘supposedly’ loves the most out of her life. judgement will come, but not from me, from God, and when she realizes that’s all she’s doing is judging people, and running roughshod over them for ‘apparently’ not listening to her side, then she is welcome back. until she seeks professional care, enters some kind of psychiatric ward to accept her real problems of “delusion”, “hysteria”, “paranoia”, and “lack of self control”, then i want nothing more to do with her.

7:13pm
Me:  as far as the reunion, off. if i feel we can have one, it’s not at your house. sorry, T’s got too much influence in your life. your husband needs to be a part of your life more (not saying he’s a bad man for being away and making a living), i’m just saying that it’s T that needs to vacate your house instead of you when she’s rampaging. she’s so quick to temper, quick to judge, and she’s always thinking that someone’s trying to pick on her, screw her over and mess with her head that she can’t see the forest for the trees. T’s a mess, and she needs assistance getting cleaned up.

7:16pm
Me:  i’m sorry, but that’s how i feel. that’s my opinion. if T thinks she can keep on keeping on the track she feels is most Christian, then <kiss> beautiful. if she comes to the realization that there’s a problem in her burning bridges of those who care about her the most, then she can find a short pier and take a long walk. i need not her kind of sisterly love and her flavor of Christianity in my life.

7:17pm
Me:  when i find someone i truly care about, a girlfriend or significant other who wants to spend the rest of her life with me, and T’s still like this, she’s not going to be welcome in my home.

C’s already told me that T’s no longer welcome in her home. C’s also fed up with T’s lies and untruths, as i am.

i’d call, but i’m afraid T’s going to jump on the phone, like last night, and try to call me into her rage and disappointment. sorry T, never going to happen again. you fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me! that’s where I am, J.

7:21pm
Me:  if you feel offended with what i’ve said about your mom, i was not trying to offend you in the least. i just wanted to say how i felt and wanted to vent; T, right now, is a bad influence in your life. she wants “what’s best for you” but had a twisted way of showing it– you do something that’s not ‘right’ in her eyes and instead of asking and showing what was wrong– she barks orders, screams and yells and tells you right where you need to go <straight to Hell>.

7:24pm
Me:  T needs to take some of her own advice and find herself a nice well-woven hand-basket, the biggest box of Life cereal she can find, and realize you, me, C and B are trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but all T sees is a bunch of her siblings as talking heads, spouting off devilish things. we dislike her actions. we dislike what she says about us. we still love the person. wherever T is, we want that T back.

if you feel you need to call me, do so away from your house.

i love you

—Facebook Tirade Ends—

It’s not that I hate my sister.  Quite the opposite.  We find in our everyday lives joys, happiness, fun, turmoil and drama.  I prefer the drama I can turn off with a remote (or with a switch).  T seems to think she’s still in her 20s and had to bully her way back into our lives.  She used to be a kinder, gentler soul, but all the crap she’s been through, and the stuff she personally witnessed (or claims to) has twisted her mind.  We all suffer from some kind of mental states; me with my transgender realization; C with her becoming introverted when she needs to say something; B with her no nonsense attitude and truthful nature, telling someone how it is and how it affects her and the people around  her.

T is going to go off on the wrong people and find herself in a world of trouble.  I love her dearly, don’t get me wrong, but what the Hell is going on with her?  I’d love to drop some recordings of her craziness, but I wont to protect the privacy of those I deal with on a regular basis.  She needs to come to the realization that what she’s doing is wrong and seek help.  If not, help will be sought for her.  I can even do it from here, but J needs to do it from her home.  T needs some tough love and a Divine Intervention…

And I sincerely hope it comes soon.