I Feel Unimportant Today

Nothing has ever entrenched me in my own beliefs than when I finally realized I was transgender and did something about it.  Nothing prepared me for the endurance I needed to show the world my face, my mind and my soul.  I am human, and nothing beyond that truly matters!  When I am gone, will my legacy and the two sons I fathered really care that I was transgender?

I couldn’t begin to fathom that revelation.  Nothing prepared me for the loss of dear close friends, people I confided in when it mattered the most and the eventual loss of life that we all must endure when lost are the loved ones, called Home to Greener Pastures.

Nothing prepared me for the move to Mississippi from Florida.  Such a different and hateful place; moreso that I’m transgender; not to mention I’m lesbian too.  I have no friends locally; I have family locally, but many of them are distant or refuse to see me for the wonderful and lovely person I am.

I have become so much more than the sum of my parts, including my ‘danglies’ that will be dealt with soon enough.  I feel I am just trapped in a body that’s not even mine– I guess I’m renting it– until such time as I can make the renovations to make it truly my own.  This is the limbo, the Purgatory, I’m living in:  Not feminine enough for the trans-community’s most vocal pundits, and not lesbian enough or woman enough for cis-gendered lesbians and their unforgiving ilk.  Nothing hurts me more than to tell me “[you’re] not worthy!”

Dammit, I’m more woman than you’ll ever know, care to know, or experience!  Shove off…  Or as some of my British friends would say:  “Bugger off, Wanker!”  I’m fed up with this stereotyping and complacency in the groups and chats and pages of Lesbians and other Transgender groups on Facebook and other social media sites!  I created Trans Out World Magazine (http://transoutworld.tk) for all of is who have felt the harassment of “tranny”-chasers, trolling Christian hate-mongers, and other such unsavory miscreants.  Nary a day goes by when I’m accosted by scam artists from Nigeria, people who claim to be Americans willing to help me and yet demand money from me when I’m still trying to collect on my royalties, and others who just want me to ‘take it off’ and ‘show me’.  I’m not that kind of gal, and refuse to have long-distance masturbation sessions– HELL NO!– and that’s all sexting and chat-sex are; nothing more!

I am a woman of high morals.  I am a woman of decent standards.  I am a woman that loves the rich life, but understands I don’t have the budget for that.  My credit is poor.  I owe for student loans and I’m unemployed because I am unable to get out to find work; the internet is a lovely proposition, but there’s no one really hiring for anything that would allow for me to stay home and work and do my job– retail sales are taken care of by automated systems, tossed off to real people in warehouses and logistics locations, then shipped off to you– what part of this allows me to intercede or intercept anything in this situation from home?  Nothing, again.  My computer expertise is relegated to specific systems and application, of which I’d love to tutor, but alas no one trusts the ‘outsider’.

I have been writing for a long time.  Since before I realized I knew what the word “imagination” meant.  I was a smart kid, read far above the grade level (I was reading second year college in fifth grade), and I loved to play house, and dress up and tea party, and my dad wanted nothing to do with that.  He literally tried to beat it out of me at age 5!

I still love dinner parties and entertaining.  I love to cook and bake and make things happen in the kitchen; this time spent with my sister Cindy has proved challenging, but also enlightening and because I can assimilate a lot of things in any environment, I can work things out in my head for substitutions for people with food allergies, or the dislike of certain foods.  it’s works for many people, and it works for me:  I’m allergic to cinnamon and coconut, two healthy agents that help to curb hunger and lose weight naturally.  (Sucks to be me… LOL)

I am not usually this eloquent when I speak, but that’s all going to chance, and very soon!  I am working on several projects, the least of which if the aforementioned online magazine.  I want the very best for my Trans* Family!  The very best!  I am working on a trans-friendly homeless shelter, specializing in education, counseling for allies and trans, a safe environment from bullying and negative impacts, a location for those in transition to transition into proper residential situations, blood testing with an endocrinologist on site (hormones levels, HIV/AIDS, medical conditions), and a RNP on-site for routine visits and prescriptions.  I would also provide meals to homeless people, whether trans or not, and have a separate location, on-site- with a chaperone, for out trans-youth who have been put out of their homes due to unaccepting parents or guardians.

I am also proposing the creation of a charity organization called “Sisters’ Hearts Gateway” that will be available to provide, at little or no cost, resources for all of our Trans Family worldwide!  I want this charity to help provide employment, housing and educational assistance in the US, with branches in every country in the world.  I want to do this by the end of 2015.  This is no small task!

I want to make my magazine a printed publication for the Trans Community to make things happen and to give them a reason to no longer be afraid of coming OUT; let us help make that a reality for the many who are still closeted.  I also have three businesses that I can’t run on my own:  one is an indie game development studio, one is a graphic design studio, and one is a game guide and book publishing entity.  None of these are real without me.  None of these are here without me.  I am willing to go the extra mile to be the largest trans-employed entity in the world and it all starts with you:  family, friends and allies!

I need to get to Los Angeles and to document this all the way.  I am so nervous with anticipation that I can’t contain myself!  I want to get underway very quickly and be there before Christmas (or New Year’s Day) if possible.

I am a woman of vision and a woman of dreams!  I am a visionary and someone who truly cares about equality and human rights.  Please help me to achieve my goals, and through this effort, we can be proud to be called Transgender!  Please help me to make this happen!

Whence Gays Can Marry, The Apocalypse Cometh

I have a pretty active Facebook page, full of various likes, friends and a few games that I play to pass my time, but clicking on a link that George Takei had posted threw me for a loop, but once I realized it was just a comedic bit, it helped to soften the blow that I thought was going to be more Gay Bashing and Homosexual Hatred.  I was surprised.  Here’s the link so you too can watch:  The Ultimate Anti-Gay Marriage Ad.

I know I’m not here to tell people off, but this is what many so-called Christians think is going to happen…  The heavens are going to rain down fire and brimstone and destroy civilization as we know it.  It not going to happen.  Gay marriage is legal in Britain.  Gay marriage is legal in Sweden.  Gay marriage is legal in much of the United States…  Has there been an apocalypse?  Are we doomed in the eyes of the Lord?

Personally, I think not.  No one has the right to force his or her beliefs upon another person.  No one has the right to enact laws to force people to believe in an idea that is morally obtuse or socially irresponsible.  The refusal of Civil Unions or Gay Marriage is one of those ideas that help us stand for what is truly an equal footing.  There are homosexuals in the military who fight for the freedoms straight people have, but when it comes to those of us who love our life-partners and want to spend the rest of our lives with her, then we can’t!  This is the exact point I’m trying to make:  LezBeProud Episode 1.

I am Transgender!  I am Female!  Because I am this way, I am scrutinized in society for being different.  I may look and act different than someone who is not me, doing the same things I do:  drive the car, shop for clothes and groceries, walk to the mailbox.  We do the same things.  We make difficult decisions and casual choices everyday, just like everyone else!  If I am cut, do I not bleed?  If I am hurt, do I not feel pain?

Why do all of these people, who claim to be devout Christians (of whatever Christian sect), want to force their beliefs and their convictions upon the rest of us?  It’s far too easy to blame others for their religious persecution, because they believe it to be God’s Calling, or their religious right– turning the masses of heathens into Christians– and opening up space in Heaven for them to call Home.  I was Christian before I was Transgender!  I know about all of these things, but the Holy Scriptures have helped me to understand specific concepts that are very out-of-date.  The Holy Bible seems more a book of Moral-Based Stories around the lives of those Jesus and the Lord had devoutly touched.  “Take the good path.”  “Do unto others …”  “Listen and take the advice of your elders.”  “Don’t judge lest ye be judged.”  “Love thy neighbor.”  Where did the devout Christians go wrong?

Mass media and spin-off religious sects tend to pull the focus away from Love and Kindness to Blasphemy and Hatred.  It really makes me angry to see a religious jihad against anything LGBT.  Yes, I did say “religious jihad”.  That’s what it seems to be, more and more in the media, in the laws those Christians vote into power, forcing us who are allied and friends of our LGBT family to vote against such hatred.

We fight your wars.
We live with you in the cities, towns and farms.
We deliver your packages and mail.
We are helpful to you at Walmart and Sears and JCP and Kohl’s.
We wash your cars and clothes.
We care for your children.
We teach your children in schools.
We drive the streets as you do.
We eat at the same restaurants.
We dance and have fun at the same clubs.
We exercise and work out, just like you do.
We haven’t invaded, we were here all along!
It’s just now that you’re starting to see us for the first time!

Why is it that you’re afraid of us?  We’re not going to impose the same restrictions that you’ve unthinkingly imposed upon us.  That’s not the right thing to do.  Being Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Trans (transsexual, transgender) does not rub off or is ever contagious; it is the state of our being that gives us the right to oppose the Social Normalcy of Male and Female gender roles.  We are not a religious sect or fad.  We have our Atheists and Christians.  We have Buddhists and Hare Krishnas.  We have other religions as well, but we don’t persecute someone for being weird:  we embrace their compassion for being unique, individual!  It is our lot in life to accept the uniqueness and individuality that everyone possesses, not just those of the LGBT community!

To us:  Everyone is Equal.  That’s the way God intended!  That’s what the Constitution of the United States intended!  As members of One World Society, we are ALL equal.  All of us!

The New(?) Feminists

I posted this to my Facebook page on Saturday (26JAN2013) and a friend of mine decided to either tell me off or poke fun at me, I couldn’t tell which.  It prompted me to repost it here because I trust my readers’ opinions and their takes on feminists and feminism.  I have always believed that everyone should be considered equal– not just all men or all women– but men, women, tg/ts men, tg/ts women, gays, lesbians, queer folk, bisexual and bi-curious, even the heterosexuals out there!  I am upset that there are too many people in political power who hide their innermost sexuality; I would love for them to some to terms that being that way is the norm and not the exception!  Here it is with just a few corrections…

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Many of us as intelligent and free-thinking women have to put up or shut up about the sexist and manipulative laws and policies that oppress most forms of women’s presence in mass media, games and in movies. It too bad that grown men who like to objectify women seem to have the most to *lose* when women become the heroes or, God forbid, *equals* of their male counterparts. In games, it’s a narrative that’s sorely lacking; in advertisement, it’s still “Sex Sells”, from the Big-3 automakers to beer and spirits; in movies and television, the only reason to have a powerful woman is to write in a pregnancy scene and have her reduced to the collection of her ‘womany’ parts!

I am the head of an independent games studio who is inspired by the likes of Anita Sarkeesian, Feminist Frequency and the videos she has produced for BitchMedia. I am also inspired by those women who chose to become that which was trapped deep inside and prosper in the proper face that they identified with! I also write poetry, sci-fi short stories, erotic fiction (of all styles), and I prefer to write anything that suits me, from tirades and essays to personal plight and the strengths and prowess I gain from fighting through my own demonic problems. (Demonic means, at this point, the destructive internal struggles that must be defeated in order to become a better person; it does not mean devils, demons, or any of that ilk.)

People like Rush Limbaugh keep pandering to the right-wing religious fanatics who believe the woman’s place is in the house, not bothering with current events, hubby’s work and work-related problems, and carry on cooking, cleaning and raising a family while hubby brings home the money to pay the bills. This rhetoric is so 1950s! Rush, the 1950s called, they want their socialist rant back! It no doubt needs to be changed and I am hoping we can all decide on what’s right and good for the well-being of women everywhere. Women should also NOT be exploited as simply sexual beings whose primary goal is to be eye candy or the immaculate trophy wife of some sexist man who believes he’s God’s Gift to Women. I’m not pointing fingers at every sexist man, but I am pointing it at those sexist men who believe women should just shut up and not propose an intelligent opinion! I can name games, TV shows and movies where women have been objectified, impregnated, demonized and made to look less than human; can you?

I want to end this little tirade with a couple of thoughts. Why are feminists held in such a bad light? Why should feminism provoke a bad taste in your mouth, uttering such a word? It shouldn’t. Feminism is the belief and movement that only has the best interests for women, not just in the US, but everywhere. Feminism is the movement for Women’s Equal Rights. Being a feminist should invoke a great feeling of forward thinking, shackle-breaking, stereotype shattering women’s equality; a feeling of great accomplishment, but yet, a great feeling of “our work’s not done yet!” Policies refuting the choice of mothers from abortion by instituting hoops and tests and permissions from everyone under the sun, making abortions virtually impossible. Some states are even thinking of making miscarriage illegal! How can miscarriage be an illegal act? How? Some women, unless they have to take prescription medication, may not be able to carry their conceived to full term, and have a miscarriage! I can’t get pregnant; I was born without a uterus! I want children naturally, but can’t.

I believe in the Feminist Movement. I believe we can build this world into a more cohesive whole, but we first have to understand our failings and faults, before we can challenge the norm and bolster our issues. We need to believe in ourselves and in each other, helping to strengthen our weaknesses and cooperating on keeping our strengths…

One World.
One Love.
One Peace.

Is anyone with me?

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I don’t understand the whole “I believe in equal rights for men and women, but I’m not a feminist.” rhetoric that’s been spewing from every form of entertainment in recent years.  …  I just don’t get it.  In order to comprehend this kind of ass-backwards double talk, you need to understand why so many women fear the word “feminist.”  Take a look through the 6 part video series “Tropes vs Women” by Anita Sarkeesian and Feminist Frequency.  This group of videos goes quite a way to show and deconstruct just how badly and/or brutally women are placed in entertainment media, only to get a rise out of the hero/protagonist in these games/movies/novels.  Don’t get me wrong, but women are more than just a plug-in for a plot device to further the twisted fantasy that most adolescent males minds construct.  Strong women are strong, sometimes moreso than their male counterparts, but many never consider (usually men) that women can be strong.

I totally hope these things we can build upon and work out to make the world a much better cohesive place.  It is a dream that I would love to extend into the workplace and into the world; somehow, somewhere…  Another link is BitchMedia which has more information dealing with sexist and male-centric craziness, but is run by women for women, and is a really great resource for all things woman-driven!  http://bitchmagazine.org  Check this website out for more information about Anita Sarkeesian and Feminist Frequency.  http://www.feministfrequency.com

I have never wanted anything more than to help forward the plight of women, but even those of us who are transgender or transsexual need to have their warriors and their consorts in order to perpetuate and follow through what we much accomplish in order to be and feel that we belong.

Wanting equality on a personal level is a great thing.

Seeking equality on a professional level is a wondrous thing.

Finding equality on a global level is a glorious thing!

Should we not strive to make it happen?