A Lost Friend (and Renewed Confidence)

I just received an e-mail from a friend.  His name is Matthew.  (I removed his e-mail address to keep his identity private.)  I also wrote him back.

— the lost friend’s e-mail —

Dear Rob,
For your inabilitiy to see what you are doing is wrong. Our friendship is over because I do not want to be friends with a crossdresser who think he is a woman. You also need serious help because you are leaving Tami who needs somebody in her life because of what she is going through.  To be honest I would have baker acted you after this is over and probably still do. Oh and you had it nice and cozy where you were living there were only 2 things Pepy wanted you to do and those are getting a job and also he wanted you off his insurance.
Matthew [removed the rest of his name to protect his identity]
If you see my mother or I anywhere you go stay away from us.

— end of his e-mail —


Here’s my reply.

— my rebuttal e-mail —

If my gender difficulties were any of your personal concern, I would have been more open to your dialogue than I was.  But since you had no dialogue with me, your opinion is completely moot and devoid of any logic or facts.
Yes.  My happiness is more important to me than having to live the rest of my life lying to others, and to myself, about everything that makes me me.  If you sincerely feel that I ruined our friendship, just how shallow are you?  I was not the one to break off this friendship:  YOU WERE!
I had to tell T [my former fiancee -edit].  It was what a friend would do in any circumstance.  A friend.  Something that I know we were, you decided, without any of my consult, to destroy.  If you truly were my friend, you would respect my decision, my choices and the anime I prefer.  You took it upon yourself to rip my from your life and to tell others that I am less of a Human Being than even you are, and you live with your mother at 37!
I had to take my leave from Tami because she would not allow me to crossdress in the place I felt most comfortable:  the home we shared.  We have been living like roommates, FYI, for the past 10+ months because we couldn’t agree on being intimate.  My finding out through research that I was, and AM, transgendered, that I immediately told Tami and she’s the one who alienated me; it was never the other way around.
Also, L [edited] and I had an agreement and we still have an agreement.  This piece of the puzzle is between him and I.  If you want to bark up that tree, and shake the peaches out, then by all means, take it up with L [edited].  He’d love to tell you to stick it in your arse because “It’s none of your damn business!”  I informed L [edited] on Sunday and he was okay with it.  We talked about it today, and it’s all been hammered out.  The details are between the two of us!
As far as you are concerned, if we really had a friendship, or a working relationship, would you quit your job if your boss came out and told the staff of his decision to become a woman?  I bet you are just as xenophobic and uninformed as much of the world in these kinds of things.
I’m still trying to figure you out…  You’re my friend as long as I’m a guy, but when I go to bat for the other team, you turn tail and run as far as fast as you can.  Who died and made you Relationship Emporer!?  Who fell off the planet to make you decide that I’m not longer worthy of your presence as your friend?!
You needed to tell me, in person, to break this off, but you decided that it was best for you to throw out your two cents and force me out of your life, hiding like a coward behind a few choice words.  I can’t decide which is worse:  losing a friend based on his ignorance, or losing a friend due to cowardice and juvenile motives.  It’s like you up and decided I had cooties or something, and stopped being my friend!  What I have is injustice for my decisions by people like you, and the lack of personal support of those whom I consider great friends who will actually go to bat for me.
I can’t figure you out.  I’m not going to waste my time and effort trying to determine what your egregious malfunction is.  It’s no longer relevant.  Your ignorance is showing and it’s making you look ugly and idiotic.
Have a nice day!
— end of rebuttal e-mail —
My real question is:  Why would someone whom I’ve known for almost 11 years suddenly decide to break off the friendship we shared over a serious decision I’ve made?
Where did I go wrong?  That’s something that’s been bothering me too, but I know where I went wrong:  I didn’t continue the path when I was younger and take my dad up on that sex change surgery.  I believe that’s where my path had to diverge, then to discover who I truly am, and to diverge again.

2 thoughts on “A Lost Friend (and Renewed Confidence)

  1. Chantel Rae says:

    Some people just can’t handle change. At all. I believe it is of no fault of your own, but rather the fault of fear.

    • omtgf says:

      I believe you’re absolutely right. Society makes assumptions in what “we’re supposed to be or do” for any given situation. Some things follow the natural progression, and others, like the intimate changes people encounter, really strike a chord and get them thinking “is this right? Should I handle this event in this fashion?” Then afterthought kicks in immediately after you’ve made your choice and kicks you in the pants, because you realize you’ve made a mistake.
      These are the regrets people talk about. I have a few. I cannot wait to reveal them all and, at least, try to put them right. I know much of it is after the fact, but maybe I can set the healing into motion…
      Thanks for the comment, Chantel. I appreciate your notes and hope you stick around for more.
      Thanks again…

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