Revelations from the Internet

I have been perusing some of the things that I was researching a few months ago, about my own transgendered self and came across this passage (again) from the TransGenderCare website.  (Taken directly from that website, under the article named “What is Gender?”)

Even a few hours after birth, significant behavioral differences are noted between morphologically “normal” boys and girls. Newborn girls are much more sensitive to touch and sound than their male counterparts. Several day old girls spend about twice as long looking back at an adult face than boys, and even longer if the adult is speaking. A girl can distinguish between the cries of another infant from other extraneous noises long before a boy. Even before they can understand language, girls do better at identifying the emotional context of speech.

Conversely, during the first few weeks of infant life, boys are inattentive to the presence of an adult, whether speaking to the infant or not. However, baby boys tend to show more activity and wakefulness. At the age of several months, girls can usually distinguish between the faces of strangers and people they know—boys usually do not demonstrate this ability.

As infants grow into children, the differences seem to intensify and polarize. Girls learn to speak earlier than boys and do a better job of it. Boys want to explore areas, spaces and things, girls like to talk and listen. Boys like vigorous play in a large space where girls like more sedentary games in smaller spaces. Boys like to build, take things apart, explore mechanical aspects of things and are interested in other children only for their “use” (playmates, teammates, allies, etc.). Girls see others more as individuals—and will likely exclude a person because they’re “not nice,” and will more readily include younger children and remember each other’s names. Girls play games involving home, friendship, and emotions. Boys like rough, competitive games full of”‘zap, pow’ and villainy.” Boys will measure success by active interference with other players, preferring games where winning and losing is clearly defined. In contrast, girl play involves taking turns, cooperation and indirect competition. Tag is a typical boy’s game, hopscotch is a girl’s game.

As we grow into adults, these differences become both more subtle and entrenched.

Female brained individuals are naturally socialized, tend to prefer cooperation, group discussions and compromise, but are rigid rule followers. Male brained individuals need to be forced into a social conscience, see everything as winning or losing, and are very territorial (my idea, my place, my person, etc.). Competitive and keenly aware of their place in the pecking order, males view rules as something to avoid, ignore or use against others. (The legal profession is very male.)

Female brained individuals are very aware of emotional states, both in themselves and others, and have a gift for, and need to express themselves in language. These two needs/abilities combine so that there is a great deal of discussion and description of everyday things (food, experiences, involvements and other people) with an emotional context and value judgment.

Male brained individuals have great difficulty identifying emotional states of any kind beyond anger, fear and lust, either in themselves or others. Language tends to be restricted and used sparingly, and hardly ever to describe emotional states. But male brains do have superior spatial and non-verbal skills, such as mathematics, map reading, 3-D conceptions, and with increasing intelligence, abstractions.

In fact, for reasons not understood (at least by this writer), gender differences seem to decrease as our IQ points increase. One study indicated that one-third of physical females in graduate school had brains wired more like a typical male brain.

Transgendered folk tend to be born with a female brain gender, but shortly after eight years of age begin to forsake it for a makeshift male brain type of response. It is like abandoning a four-lane highway and taking a little dirt road beside it — and making the best of their choice. Why do such a thing? To fit in. Around eight or nine years of age, the differences between male and female behavior become obvious. In order to fit in, the physical male with a female brain begins to mimic and then perfect (as much as they can) a male response, leaving their natural female self unexpressed or underdeveloped.

Some transgendered physical males are very good at this subterfuge and produce a flawless macho male persona. Others are less successful, and some produce a “Swiss cheese” persona where glimpses or whole chunks of their natural female thinking showing through. But, no matter how efficient an individual is in hiding their natural gender from others, they will always be aware (at least at times and to some degree) of it themselves.

This is exactly what I remember experiencing oh so many years ago!  These things happened to me!  I started walking and talking at 6 months!  I was reading Dr. Seuss by age 1, and much quicker than my sisters read them to me.  I remember trying to piece it all together, and looking back all those years ago, I can clearly see all of those things truly have happened to me.

In order to fit in better with my male counterparts, I had created this “Robby” persona and managed to acclimate and assimilate into what adults wanted a “little boy” to be:  a small male person.  It never occurred to me, until rereading this article, that having friends was mostly about having younger friends, friends who had either slightly older or younger sisters, playing house/dress up/tea party and playing typical male games like flag football, kickball, tag, dodgeball.  I also remember playing hopscotch and four-square and wearing makeup because I liked those activities.

When I came to grips with my perceived identity, in junior high school, I realized it was all for naught!  A friend of mine (who I was secretly seeing) was gay and had been in the process of writing a play.  It was unfinished, but I encouraged him to finish it (after one of our secret intimate encounters).  I offered him my writing skills, though they were mostly undeveloped.  We finished the play that evening; rewrites lasted for another month.

Once we felt it was finished, we approached one of our English teachers (who also doubled as the school’s drama coach and play director).  She looked at the play written on loose leaf pages.  She told us she needed to look it over and ask the other staff about it.  From the look in her eyes and upon her face, she loved it!  Almost two months passed and we got the confirmation!

All we needed was a small cast, about 10 people.  Three or four sets and set dressing; then costumes.  I had relatively long hair then and my friend asked me to play the lead.  I couldn’t help not to; the part was written for M, but he couldn’t go on because of his stage fright.  M was a wonderful friend.  The play was about his latest suicide attempt, the fact of his being homosexual, and ‘what if I had killed myself’ proposal.  It was only supposed to be for one evening, it ran for three evenings!

I was in the opening show.  I spoke my parts; eventually, had to physically shave part of my head on stage, and act like I had slit my throat with a straight razor (the same one I used to shave my head).  The way it was written was just beautiful!  My character collapsed back onto his bed as the lights on stage changed from blue to red.  I dropped my handful of hair after I calmed down on the bed.  Then some pounding at my bedroom door.  Some shouting and wood breaking!  Then over came my father and mother to the bed and as the lights on stage faded to black, my mother screamed:  “Oh, God!  NO!  No.”

The next scene was played out in our living room and all that you saw was grief and sadness on my family’s faces, a casket and me, scurrying around, trying to talk to the people I loved, but left behind.  Another scene in my bedroom and my parents and brother were in there, talking amongst themselves and wondering where they all went wrong.  I was not to be seen, but I was heard.  I talked to all of them, a disembodied voice from beyond, and for once, they all listened.  I told them that my passing was not their fault and that I was the one who took the easy way out; that I was sorry.

The scene came up to a hospital room, mom was on the gurney and dad was wearing scrubs.  They were so excited when the doctor brought in their new baby.  I was in the scene and I just looked on as they brought a little life into the world.  She would have been my sister.  When the doctor left and the nurse came in, the scene stopped.  I addressed the audience and said:  “If I hadn’t taken my life a year ago, I would have been the proudest brother my sister would ever know.”  There was a pause, “I never knew.”  Pause.  “All this grief, sorrow, melancholy…  All this, was my fault.”  The lights faded to black.

We waited as the curtains came down.  We had a standing ovation!  All of us came out and the curtains were pulled up.  We bowed and I pointed to M.  It was his brainchild!  They loved it!

My understudy pulled off the next two shows, except I did the beyond voice and the ending monologue.  Each night an ovation.  I just never really knew what it was to act convincingly, and I found my calling!

Our English teacher had us perform “The Taming of the Shrew” in true Shakespearean form:  all women’s parts were played by the guys.  I landed Kate’s part.  Dressing in her costume felt absolutely right!  I wore a headband covering my head (my hair hadn’t quite filled in yet).  This one was also well received.  We were applauded, but no standing O.

I wanted to keep up acting, but graduation was looming.  High school, here I come~!

I guess I needed that boost of confidence to allow me to reflect on something that had bothered me for years:  what I could actually call my gender?  I didn’t really know, but I figured I was bisexual.  That wasn’t it, but I had to make due.  (Much of this is in some of my earlier blogs…  Please peruse.)

To get to where I am now and the article blurb…  I remembered acting the part of a typical male and doing quite well at it, even to the point of having girlfriends.  It all seemed artificial.  Rereading the article made me realize that I am just a person whose brain and identity are female, and whose body is male.  I refuse to remain like this much longer!

I scored well on tests and exams, mostly without studying, somehow I managed it!  In college, same kind of thing:  attend lectures, take notes, no studying before the tests, acing the tests and exams.

I reached a turning point in my life and found I could no longer concentrate, started on tangents that had no bearing on the discussions, and revealed to the world of academia that I was a fraud~!  I failed acting the part of a college student.  I failed acting the part of a knowledgeable person who knew his way around…  It was all stupid of me to do, but I was determined to proceed the way I needed to~!

Hence, my research and my dilemma.  I am a transgender.  I am approaching my final turning around point, failing that, I remain male!  I am looking ever so forward to this journey!  I am up to the challenge like I’ve never had before!

Welcome Robynn Penelope to the World Stage!  I am here!  Watch me LIVE!

Being Normal in an Abnormal World

This statement goes without saying.  We live in a bubbling mass of different people, each with his and her own objectives and likes and dislikes, enough to know that there are things that are taboo in many of the world’s stages.  Something here in the US is taboo in the Middle East.  Something in the Middle East is taboo in Japan.  Something in Japan is taboo in Russia.  And on and on and on…

The World Stage.  This is the measure we are ruled by:  not just those in our own countries, but by those of other countries and societies.  The United Nations is a governmental body housed and peopled by members of many of the so-called civilized nations of the world, working together for a common goal:  peace and prosperity for all mankind!  Much of the time, it’s mired and stuck in decades past accomplishments or recent global losses of member nations or the senseless violence that distort the media outlets into rumor mills or worse.

We are already part of that when we are born into this World Stage.  We grow up and interact with everything from cellphones and internet-ready devices, to computers, laptops, palmtops, netbooks and tablets!  We use this technology to talk to people whom we want to have as friends, only to find out that those people are just the uninformed, technologically-impaired, self-absorbed and you want to unfriend them as quickly as you can.  You find the device or app you’re using doesn’t allow that– there’s no [IGNORE] button on Facebook, there’s no [DUMP] button for your e-mail account, there’s no [UNPLUG] button on your RSS feeds– and that’s just one part of the whole!

All too often I observe young mothers and fathers with small children handing them their cellphones (like iPhones or Samsung Galaxys and the ilk), and letting them play games or watch Barney or Spongebob or The Wiggles on them.  Letting them watch for hours as they get their mobile chores done, picking them up into their car seats and dropping them to their feet to walk along, still clutching the tiny colorful screens, listening to “I’m Barney!  Let’s play!” and still trying to maintain some semblance of a ‘normal life’ with children!

I have two lovely wonderful boys.  Their mother and I mutually adopted them to a loving family in Boston!  I want to make a point:  I know what joy it is to have children.  The pain of minor complications with a caesarean section.  Holding them for the first time and hoping (and praying) you’re doing it the right way!  Bonding with them and crying because of the love you’re giving them, knowing they’re going to be well taken care of!  I am human; there’s nothing going to ever change that!

We’re all bombarded with mass media, multimedia (the television is exactly that!!!) and other locations of news or so-called news, reporting whatever they feel is right and what people need to know!  We feel obligated to tell you everything that’s happening in the world so that you can make an informed decision about what to do today, to eat for breakfast/lunch/dinner, clothes to wear, shoes to buy, car to drive, wife to love, number of children to have, type of job, and on and on and on…  (Doesn’t your brain hurt from all that drivel?)

Anyway, I’m off track here somewhere…

To get back on track:  We’re all a part of the Human Race, placed upon the World Stage, given lines that seem oh so unique, automatic and meaningful, and stuck in relationships that seem to revolve around something frivolous.  Only when you realize you can change parts of this, is when you can truly become your own version of NORMAL, and the world you live in is the stranger!

You’re no longer the weird one!  You’re being normal in an abnormal world!

Congratulations!  You’ve finally accomplished that which you wanted to do for such a long time:  YOU WON!

 

I Found My Brother!

I posted this on my Deviant Art page and wanted to share it with you…

It’s Been SO Long…

I just tossed out an e-mail to a friend I met oh so long ago.
He responded in kind and asked me a few things,
So I replied and here we are…
Talking and reminiscing of the times we shared,
Just friends and talking about art,
Drawing and coloring and technique…
We worked together but apart for a local retail chain,
But I knew he would be the right one to call upon
When the time came;
And he was absolutely right!
Nothing could have prepared me for our connection!
He was always there,
Even though I never really knew;
There he was,
Just an e-mail away!

I am oh so happy and loving every minute of this connection.
Across time and space,
We connect like electrons in a live wire,
A completed circuit,
And I feel so alive to have connected with him!
Nothing prepared me for this kind of delight,
This kind of happiness,
But I know we will be true
And keep this friendship connected for as long as we can!

To you, my friend,
I hope we can carry on,
Remain friends
And be the best of what we can be!

Thank you,
For being there
When I never figured
You’d be there
And for allowing me
Back into your life!

I love you like you were
The brother I never had
And the friend I always,
Somehow,
Knew would be there!

I couldn’t help sharing this with the world.  My brother, Toren, enjoyed it, too!  Talking to him and learning about his differences really helped me to understand how we truly became siblings!  I love talking with him; he makes me feel so free and alive!  I’m am so very happy we are together again!

I love you, my brother Toren!  We will always be family!

Not Sure What to Say…

Just not sure what to say but here it goes!

I’m leaning toward beginning my trek and finding myself homeless at the same time.  My former fiancee (now roommate) thinks that I no longer feel the same way I did when I met her 13 years ago, which isn’t true.  I love her.  She’s been a survivor of Stage 4 Breast Cancer, a smudge of bone cancer on her T7 vertebrae, an enlarged polyp just inside her rectum (that the surgeon lied about completely removing >_<) and just had some moles removed to check for melanoma.  She’s one hell of a fighter and I commend her for it.

I want to be there for her for the rest of her life, however long that may be, but as soon as I begin my transition from ‘the man she fell in love with’ to the female I know I should have been, she’ll shut me out and never let me in.  I’m torn, but ultimately she wants me happy, and I want her happy.

I have a strange friend who lives with his mother.  She and he are pretty compatible, but he can be really strange…  He works as a security guard and prefers night shift work and overnights, but that leaves him zero time for social calls and other such fun.  I want to get back into my goth mode, like I had in high school, but with a little different style for me…  LOL  I will not invite him because he’s really indifferent about what I’m doing…  Not really where a friend should be, but he’s a decent enough friend to assist me with my computer work.

I have another friend who is more sensitive to my needs and dreams, and he’s a great guy.  He’s bi and he’s been a really good friend through it all so far.  His mom is also a friend of mine and understands my point of view; she has a gay brother and he’s pretty cool (so is his partner).  I can’t stay there for long, and can’t store my stuff there either…  It kind of bites, that, but I can completely understand.  She doesn’t want to be responsible for my stuff turning up damaged or missing.  That’s something we can both live with!

Two of my three sisters know of my plans.  B and T and pretty cool about it all.  I can’t stay with B because there’s no extra room.  T lives in a travel trailer, and there’s no room for me and my things, but she’s moving to Wisconsin soon. She said that if all happens where I have to go, I can stay with her in Wisconsin and make my journey happen.  I’d love to, but I want to make sure I can get SSD (for my mental illness) and Medicaid to help me with any other expenses like meds, hormones, and serum testing.  It’s something that’s been puzzling me now for a while…  [I have Type II Diabetes and I have to monitor it to keep it in the proper range.]

My third sister, C, is not on board because I have yet to tell her.  Her youngest daughter, Syl, lives in Oregon.  She just got married to a nice young man.  C and her husband Ty never went to be there. C just up and decided that she and Ty couldn’t go because of Ty’s back problems; he never knew and was very angry when C told him.  That’s his baby girl!  You don’t put yourself, and your feelings, before something as wonderful and beautiful as your youngest getting married! Never!  I would have divorced C if I was Ty, but that’s not going to make the fact I missed out on Syl’s wedding any easier…

I have told Syl, and Jess (T’s oldest).  They’re on board.  They think it’s wonderful that I’ve finally found myself.  “… in whatever form you choose … [we] will always love you.”  My other niece, Bon, is C’s oldest from another encounter when I was quite small, and she’s only a few years younger than me…  I told her and she was happy I finally found where I needed to be with my life.  She want to see me, too.  Bon’s the niece that T’s going to visit once she’s in Wisconsin, then onto getting her own place.  (And if all goes well enough for me to get there, I’ll be there too.)

I do have another out-of-state option.  I met another M2F transgender in Iowa through a transgender dating site.  She’s wonderful.  Mi and I are just like two beautiful butterflies in a field of wildflowers, fluttering back and forth in the breeze, from flower to flower…  She and I have a lot in common and we really get along well.  She reminds me of another gal pal I have, looks and all, but a bit older than she is.  Feli is that friend Mi reminds me of.  (I don’t associate with Feli much anymore, our circles no longer coincide and she’s been keeping to herself.  Mostly.)  Mi has been working on her house for her mother, remodeling it, but I’m not privy to the exact nature of the modifications…  It’s not my decision anyway, and I completely understand about those things.  We’ve talked at length about what makes us who we are, our differences, and our lives together.  I know that there’s hints and mentions of marriage here and there; how we truly feel about each other, but marriage is something I will consider once we’ve been together for quite some time and living under the same roof.  I feel I want to carry this on slowly.  I do love my Mi, and she me, but we need to acclimate to each other…  I think we’ll both come around and be inseparable together.

Then there’s Ria.  She’s a friend of mine who has been with my strange friend and nearly married to him.  She parted from him because of his hang-up with being in his mother’s house.  She never really understood why he kept putting off getting into the military, but he told me he has ‘testing anxiety’.  I got over that at an early age!  I just made sure I completed any test as quickly and as correctly as I could, and knowing the answers to the questions at hand was always a winning combination!

I just hated when some of my teachers decided to take it upon themselves to claim I was cheating, lambaste me before the class, send me to the principal’s office and call my dad.  My dad was someone that was NOT to be messed with, not even through his son!  I went home and told my dad about this one teacher who humiliated me in front of the class.  He took me to school the next day, and went to the principal’s office.  He told me to wait in the outer office.  He went right in and started talking to the principal.  She was a little scary, but she was wonderful!

I was told to go to class like it was a normal day.  They’d be coming in time for my math class and observe from the hallway.  (We had large windows that faced into the hallway for every class in the old building.  They were just out of sight and looking in…  I never really knew they were there until Mrs. Pomeraning started in on me again!)  They walked up, and Mrs. Behm (the principal) asked the rest of the class to wait out in the hall.  They all left but me, Mrs. Behm, Dad and Mrs. P.  Mrs. Behm demanded I take another test.  It was a mathematics times table quiz.  She had several pre-made and handed me another one.

Mrs. Behm told me to complete it as fast as I could.  She held a stopwatch and said “Go!”  I started.  It took me all of about a minute and 10 seconds to finish the page of 30 problems.  As soon as I set my pencil down, Mrs. Behm said she was astonished how quickly I did.  My dad knew and was also impressed.  Mrs. P. insisted I had cheated.  Mrs. Behm asked me to empty out my pockets and empty my desk.  I did  and there was nothing to be found.  Not even any writing on my hands!  My father got a formal apology from Mrs. P., Mrs. Behm and the school board.  I was told I did not have to take these tests, but if “… this young man wants to, let him …”  Mrs. Behm was fair and just.  She made me feel so much better because of this humiliation I suffered was now put to rest.  I was only 7; this was 2nd Grade!  Mrs. P. had a problem with me and I never knew…  Guess I never will…

I want this to be as seamless as possible, but I know this will not be.  I’d rather spend my time blogging, writing and coding my next video game masterpiece than fighting with a societal norm that’s anything but!  If more children were NOT lumped into society’s binary gender caste, and allowed to choose their own destiny and gender role, we’d have more children who would not be haters, bigots and supremacists, IMHO.  If little Mikey wants to be a girl, let him.  If little Sarah wants to be a boy, let her.  It’s all about not making choices for them, but for them to make the choices!

That maths fiasco I endured was just one of many things that know-it-alls tend to do:  distort the truth to fit their own needs.  I’m not that way and never want to be that way.  I know I know not everything, but I want to learn those things I feel fulfill my curiosity and need for knowledge.  I know I know not all that happens in the world, but I know I can learn that which I choose to learn.  If teachers take into account that they’re students learn at their own paces, are interested in many different things, and can teach to those students’ strengths, then those teachers have truly accomplished something:  learning children!  An open mind is a learning mind; a closed mind is a belligerent, rebellious mind!  It all starts at home!

Where was I?!  ROFL

Anyway, I know there’s a bunch of things that need to be taken care of too.  I am willing to do what I need to do to make that change and turn the corner…  I change of scenery may be exactly what the doctor (or endocrinologist) orders, but I’m up to that challenge.  I just have to find the right location where I can ultimately feel safe and not intruded upon, and yet feel that I could be expressive and work it all out.

Let’s all be a little more knowledgeable out there.  A little safer.  A little more personable to those whom you don’t quite understand, but are willing to assist.  That’s where it all starts:  One Good Deed!  Let it Begin!

Hugs & Kisses,
~Robynn

The Ultimate Put-Off

I have had a few offers of places to call home, but the situation I’m in still haunts me. In order for me to get it all truly started, and my journey as a transwoman to begin, I have to seek an endocrinologist through my psychologist and get my hormones prescribed. Should I start my hormone therapy and begin dressing appropriately to my new found gender role, I alienate my fiancee; I alienate my landlord; I alienate my landlord’s resident family. I want this so bad I can taste it, or so the saying goes!

No matter what I decide, I’m out on my ear. I live in the United States, in a fairly progressive state, but even the seemingly-intelligent can be so misinformed and taught to be intolerant by their peers or their own family, that it really puts a halt on my well being! Even with the offers of places to stay, I still have to “put up or shut up” about what I do to make me happy, at least for the interim, and then take the articles and possessions I have, pack them all up, and move. My TG GF is in Iowa. My sister Tina will be in Wisconsin soon, but due to their unique situations, they wont be able to have any significant company for another, at the shortest, 4 weeks, and the longest 3 months! I don’t think I can wait that long! I know suicide is not the way to go, but if I have to live any longer like I’m a prisoner in my own body, I feel that my happiness will slip away from me and I will spiral down into the deepest darkest depths my depression has ever seen … and may never come back! It truly scares me.

I need to know I’m loved, I’m wanted, I’m needed. My fiancee is just telling me “mhm” or “I know” when I tell her “I love you”. I do. There’s nothing I can do about that, because I do love her, and always will. She wants me to remain as I am, in a man’s body, in a man’s world, and stay like that, not acknowledging my own feelings and happiness in the process. She “… fell in love with a man, not a woman!” is her deal, and she’s really angering me with it. Once I start my transition path, I will not want to go back to being a man! That’s a given.

As I write this, I feel that my journey is only going to get tougher before it gets easier. That’s just Human Nature! Whatever does not kill me will make me stronger, but I don’t want to have to put aside my well being, my happiness, in order to exist as I have for over 4 decades! This is the reason I’m writing in my blog today!

I have a friend, who I set up with another friend. Her name is Lexi. We’ve had ‘history’ but oh so briefly. She loves me and I think she loves me even more now that I’ve come out. She even asked me if there was anything should happen to her beau, would you be interested. I told her I would be. I don’t want my TG GF to misunderstand, but there’s history with Lex and I love her dearly! I love my TG GF, too. It feels as if I’m in love again for the first time with her, my TG GF! That’s also how I feel with Lex! Open. Honest. Me! What do I do?

Housing wont be an issue if there’s a ‘homeless intake’ at the wellness clinic I attend for my counseling. If this is a possibility, then I could take my stuff to a friend, store it there until I can move, then gather it all up and go from there. Moving either to Wisconsin or Iowa! Something I would love to do would be to stay here, move somewhere locally, and carry on with my life. It may work, but I have to make sure I can get my ducks in a row and appease certain people! (This stuff I can’t stand, much less feel good about!)

I just wish I had more choices. I wish I had sufficient funds! I wish, as God is my witness, the strength to hold off on my hormones until I could be certain in my housing. I don’t know, once I start getting my prescriptions, if I can hold off and put off until I’m safe and secure in my housing situation…

Any advice?

~Robynn

My Newest Hurdle

The whole issue I have now, after I met a beautiful TG woman on a TG dating site, is the fact that I’ve fallen for her like I did for my first love (almost 2 decades ago). My current ‘fiancee’, if you can call her that, wants so bad to have me stay as ‘a man’ that it’s hurting me and my growth as a TG female.
I am torn. Torn between two worlds and nothing seems to be how I need to perceive life! I love my fiancee. She’s been with me, thick and thin, for almost 14 years. My TG GF has been with me for about 3 to 4 weeks; we converse on Skype and Facebook; we share pics of each other (no nudity or anything that can be considered porn), and music. I just don’t really know where to go with this.
If I tell Tami, we’re through. We’re roommates at best. If I don’t and she suspects, I could be out of a place to call home. I have informed my family and my close friends of my needs and needed changes, even started a new Facebook profile, and went from there. If L finds out I’m taking hormones and suspects it, I’m out on my ear for sure! Two of my sisters, Tina and Bobbi, are taking my decision with respect, and to respect my decision in the process. I wouldn’t want that any other way!
I have been offered a place once Tina settles in Wisconsin, which isn’t for another few weeks or months (I just now forgot what it was she said… >__< I would love to get this taken care of and start; I will have to wait another week or so before I can talk to her… No way around it.
I am in the process of getting ready to go to a friend's house and set up an AD&D session. It's a new campaign, in a known classic setting but with a twist, and we're going to use a hybridized version of AD&D 2nd Edition (TSR) and D&D 2nd Edition (WotC). I will allow all of the Saving Throws for BOTH systems, and use my own, in order to bring a little different feel to the games. I'm pretty good at it, though I'm out of practice. LOL
I want to be one of the few TG women who love RPGs, video games (even games like Borderlands and Gears of War) of all kinds and hybrids, and nearly all kinds of music from classical to rap to metal to bluegrass! Oh yeah! I also want to be one of those TG women who will speak my mind about issues that affect all of us, not just those in the LGBTQ community. I want to show everyone, worldwide, that just because I was born into a man's body, I'm not any less a woman!
I also posted on my Facebook account and that TG dating site a blog entry called "Open Letter to the Uninformed, the Bigots and the Haters". It's an allegory about some things that were frowned upon when no one knew what transsexual and transgender really meant, those who put our fore-brothers and fore-sisters into institutions and lobotomized them to make them fit into society (to forcibly change their minds about it) or making them into vegetables (or worse). It's also a rant, a blast and a tirade all rolled into one crazy neat package. I'm not condoning the perpetual hate cycles that surround, not only the LBGTQ community, but everyone involved in whatever beliefs you may have, and some of those are quite unintelligent, misinformed and hateful. I am a Christian by choice and a TG by design! I didn't choose to have to be placed in this facade, I was dropped into it (probably because there were too few female bodies available to be born when I was conceived.) They say God works in mysterious ways; I think he has one heck of a sense of humor, too!
Please read that blog, too. I think it's impressive, and a little harsh, but it makes several points. We were thought of as 'a blight on society'. We were told 'you have to conform or suffer'. We were led to believe our 'binary gender' system was the only way to 'label children' as one or the other gender; never allowing those children to determine what their gender role is. (We still live in a world like that, and we're trying, ever so hard, to help in that change.)
Let's all fight the good fight! Let's all Change what we can change! Be Yourself! Be Real! Be True!
~Robynn