Lilly, from Mexico, writes to me about what she feels should be done for my situation…
Here’s the complete e-mail…
Saturday 18, August, 2012. 23:40
Dear Aryu, it seems you are really in a somber mood right now,,, But please consider that it will change soon… We have to learn to wait for a while, not to fall in desperation.
You are quite right in relation to the dement belief that there can only be 2 genders, who are suppoused to be complementary. Is true that you need 2 different sets of organs to reproduce, but, if you are having loving relations without that purpose, then there is no need for tha specialized organic relation.
I’m suppousing that you and your girl friend are not inerested now in having children. Are you? In that case, tell her that you want to please her having erotic sensual relations in the way she likes you better. And please try to do it: You can play the gentle young boy she likes, But tell her that then she has to accept that you also like being pretty as she is, and that she must allow you to look like her some times, in sure protected conditions: We know that people is very upset by finding that we are not in the classical classification they expect.
Try also to look like a quiet young man to your landlord, until you are able to live the way you want, in some other place. In the meantime, inside your home you are free to be the way you are. Do you live with your girlfriend? Then you have to tell her that you want to do arrangements with her in such a way that she can be happy seeing the young guy she met, but some other times, slowly, go changing your appearance while being very kind to her, so she realizes that you are nicer to her as a girl, and she can have more pleasure with you around, while you are every time a little more a pretty girl like her.
Slowly by slsowly, little by little, as long as she is happy, she won’t mind your little almost unnoticed changes. And even when she realizes them, she will be happy and content with no complaints.
But do not do much talking about it: Words are traps, and lead to crazy arguments and useless fights. Just be what you want , little by little, and every time, make it clear to her, in practice, without words, that she is more happy and content with you as the person you want to be. But never try to explain to anyone that you want to be “different”, that “much”, for that genrates an alert inanyone. Even if you tell your office or job friends that you want to quit that kind of a job to try another very different, like going to the sea as a mariner, also all will be obssesed with the idea: Definitions create images, and people is so used to what they know that if you tell them of a change, they almost think is already done. Don’t talk, do not explain nothing to nobody: You do not have any obligation to explain your behaviour. Just little by little, go changing to what you like. If they ask or comment, give them a look of strange idea, smile and leave withou any comments: What? You crazy? Tha’s what you should telle them with gestures. NEVER EXPLAIN! Show them that nothing wrong is happening, that THEY are the ones going nuts.
So, Don’t try to convince her by talking, even less all the way in just one talk. Just tell her that whenever she likes to have you like the boy she likes, you will be, to please her. For you love her. And slowly, go changing a little thing at a time, and everytime she notices it and says something about it, be very nice to her, give her all the love you can, so she can little by little realize that you give her more love and pleasure when you are the girl or person you want to be.
Tell her that in the dark, while making love, it doesn’t matter how you look, but how she feels you. And just try to make love to her like a sensual girl: one day, she might discover that she can love and be loved by a girl, her well known friend as ever, who can love her in two forms, but always with love, passion and care.
And also, do not think much on what progress you are doing. Better, notice the nice things you have now, and how you can make them look better, so you enjoy whatever you are now, and stop longing for something that takes time to build, naturly or artificially. Thinking becomes obsession, as thoughts are also beliefs in the mind, illusions of reality, that you start seeing in circles, over and over, and after a while you are out of reality and a prisioner of that thought.
Just feel your body, as much as possible. And feel it as the body of the pretty woman you know you are and you want to be. If you dont look into a mirror, it doesn’t matter how you are dressed or how do you look, YOU’LL KNOW YOU ARE THAT DESIRED PRETTY GIRL.
JUST FEEL YOUR BODY. The way yoiu want it.
And the body will be more and more that way you feel it.
Feeling your body makes you stop worrying.
Then you will see more clearly your surroundings and will know better how to deal with persons who still can not understand human beings in their multiple mnanifestations.
Please, take care and be happy.
Yours, truly, as they used to say,
Forgive my english, I’m from Mexico. Not far away form the border.
I honestly believe this could work for my situation, as based on my Open Letter… This method may work, but it seems to be prolonging what I feel I need to accomplish…
Lilly does make some very good points: not talking too much (that’s one of my errors… >_<); don’t use convincing dialogue (I tried it and that didn’t seem to work, either… >_<); feeling what my body says to me (I had not thought of that!, but I think it might be too late… U_U)…
From her advice, I think there’s a common certainty that can, and should, work: show, but not show; touch, but not touch; and speak, but not speak. Here’s what I’ve learned from this e-mail: “show, but not show” to me means that the metamorphosis can and will be a long process, showing itself as I progress; “touch, but not touch” explains that just a gentle touch can mean volumes to my partner, and that it could have lasting beneficial effects on the relationship we’ve put years into; “speak, but not speak” is more of a philosophy toward whatever the situation brings, at home and/or away, while I’m working through my metamorphosis, where I speak little and use body language and simple gestures to get my point across.
I think that there’s going to be more to it than I had hoped, at least from a relationship standpoint, but I also believe that once I set forth on the chosen path, I cannot turn back and be miserable. She will understand, in time, or she will continue to question herself and her motives. “Did I drive him away?” “What did I do to deserve this?” The correct answer is: “nothing”. Nothing on both counts!
The one thing that drives me nuts right now, is that she’ll have a nice calm demeanor, then she snaps and starts yelling and screaming at me. Then back to the quiet little mouse… I think she’s got a split personality. She can’t look people in the eye when she’s angry, always an ear or chin or to the side somewhere, and come right up to me. She acts more mannish than I do femme most of the time. It’s one of the qualities I found attractive in her, and she seems to be in complete denial about my transition.
What’s also feels demeaning, she keeps taking the clothes I’ve purchased so I can CD. Bras, panties, certain tops and a pair of nice skorts, they’re all missing or destroyed! She’s even taken my pantyhose, shredded them one day while I was away, and I found them in the trash!